Lindsay Clancy is being held in a facility in a town near me.
She’s next door to me. And the truth is, most of us have had a Lindsay Clancy next door, perhaps without even knowing. Maybe you were that woman next door.
Most aren’t women who did the unimaginable. They were women screaming for help postpartum – a silent scream behind a closed door and curated exterior.
The battle right now is about who is to blame:
Lindsay?
Her husband?
The doctors?
The whole medical system?
The medications?
The truth is, it’s a full system failure because it’s not a system that actually tends to core postpartum needs. It’s designed to perhaps help some, but fail far too many others.
The blessing and the heartbreak of learning traditional medicine like Ayurveda is that I’ve learned how the female body needs to be supported holistically, in body, mind and spirit – particularly postpartum. I’ve learned about the female nervous system, how we need to be nourished and how community plays a vital role in that. I see and believe in what’s possible with every fiber of my being.
But grief also comes from holding that vision, knowing what’s possible, and feeling the chasm – the possibility vs. the stark reality. I see how desolate and desperate the postpartum experience is for so many modern women – the poverty of care women receive without even realizing what their body needs and what they deserve, despite intuitively feeling something is missing.
I also see how we’ve been convinced that deep postpartum care and rejuvenation – care that matches our body’s actual biological needs – is considered a “luxury,” even by those of us who would benefit the most.
The truth is, no amount of pharmaceutical medication will heal fragmented and spiritually sick culture and screaming postpartum bodies. Postpartum is an underworld journey for which we have little support to guide women through.Our luteal and bleed phases of our menstrual cycles are underworld journeys. Perimenopause is an underworld journey. These are experiences that require wisdom, self-tending, elderhood, and community care.
Yes, women are absolutely failed by the system. Women are abandoned and then society points fingers at who’s to blame. AND, despite this, we cannot give up our agency. We have to understand where our power does lie. It lies in our embodiment. It lies in accessing the ancestral wisdom that’s available to us. It lies in educating ourselves in how it could and should be, holding that vision, putting our resources into it, and sharing it with others.
So I want to share with you the essentials of postpartum care, so we can be educated on the very basics of what women’s bodies need and why. And I invite you to hold this vision with me so we can collectively elevate what’s possible.
But before I start, I encourage you to check in with the part of you that might say:
“Well, sounds nice but that’s not realistic.”
“Not everyone can afford this or can take the time.”
“It will never happen.”
Please understand this is the pathology that has settled so deeply into our own belief system: The belief that providing for basic female biological needs is unrealistic.
We’ve been cultured to believe giving ourselves what we as mothers – the nucleus of society – need is a luxury we and our society can’t afford.
Let that sink in.
So notice how your body and mind respond to this, and let’s begin.
First, what’s happening in the body postpartum?
The postpartum period is referred to as “The Sacred Window.” The 6-8 weeks postpartum is a time when a woman’s body is incredibly psychically sensitive and physiologically malleable. When cared for well, she can move to even greater physical, emotional and spiritual power. When not cared for appropriately, her body and mind can be depleted in ways that last her whole life.
At the time of birth, a woman is predominant in kapha (water/earth elements) because of the little kapha being in her belly, and because she is carrying more mass relative to usual.
After birth, the baby is out and there is now space inside of her. Wherever there’s space, air moves into it. Air is like the wind – ungrounded, irregular, and able to push things out of balance. This space/air combo is called Vata dosha. Excess Vata can be like a hurricane – strong wind pushing the nervous system, hormones and mind out of balance. Anxiety, bipolar, depression, and psychosis are primarily Vata dosha disorders. It makes absolute sense that a woman who is not tended to properly after birth – especially after several children – could have her nervous system and mind so intensely imbalanced.
Digestive fire (agni) also is greatly weakened during childbirth. Digestion is the root of health in the whole body. Imbalance starts there.
The main priorities postpartum? We mother the mother.
🔥 Stoke digestion
🌬️ Calm Vata
🌱 Deep rejuvenation
How do we do this during the Sacred Window? (I’m writing this to mothers, but this should all be provided by her caretakers).
🌙 Rest mentally and physically, and nap when baby naps
🌙 Accept “mothering the mother” – embrace help freely and gratefully
🌙 Stay home in quiet seclusion as much as possible for 3–6 weeks
🌙 Limit visits to about 15 minutes, ideally in the afternoon
🌙 Take specific digestive herbs, especially in the first few days, to jumpstart agni so you can properly digest the heavier, more grounding foods your body needs
🌙 Start with easily digested, freshly cooked, nourishing vegetarian food in first days
🌙 Work up to more grounding foods once digestion is strong, including animal products (if non-vegetarian)
🌙 Daily herbalized warm-oil massage, ideally by a practitioner, followed by rest and a hot soak
🌙 Bind your belly
🌙 Take herbs to support milk supply
Now, let’s bring paid family leave into the discussion. I’m married to a German man. When my kids were young, it was a shock to my system to hear from his German family and friends who enjoyed 1-2 years of paid family leave, low-cost childcare, and women who were able to return to their jobs after leave. (When my husband was in his 20s he was hired for one of those leave jobs, knowing full well he would be on his merry way after 18 months. And he was fine with it!)
I remember talking to them about how hard postpartum and motherhood was, and I could see how they couldn’t relate. They genuinely didn’t feel the same levels of desperation and isolation many of my friends and I did. I could feel the difference in their nervous system states – a relative ease and enjoyment of this precious period, knowing they were well-supported.
Yesterday I saw snippets of the trial of Lindsay wailing in a way only a mother understands, deep in our hearts and in our wombs. And so, feeling her just miles away, living in a hell she will likely never escape, I hold a vision for her.
That vision is an alternate story. One in which The Village Grandmothers recognized the signs of a family in crisis, alerted the Sisterhood and sprung into action, enveloping her with the deep care and nourishment her body, mind and spirit desperately needed. I envision the women of The Village massaging her with warm herbal oils, bathing her, feeding her fresh, lovingly cooked foods, and tucking her into deep, deep sleep. I envision them tending to her babies as the elders guide her through the underworld journey, restoring her stability and vitality, whispering into her ear:
“You are not alone.”
“You are not alone.”
“You are not alone.”
May we together hold this vision of what’s possible, for all mothers, for all children, for all of us.